While many areas across the country rejoined the school rush last week, here in our school district out in California, they go back today. And now, today, feeling the slight let down yet flush with guilty relief, I and thinking of them… and how I feel about their first day back after Winter Break.
Before the kids…
Before I had children, and back when they were too young for our educational halls, I wondered at parents and guardians that prayed for breaks to be over and for Summer to end. I mean, I loved my children! Why would I want them to leave? Perhaps that is the judgmental part of me that I try to keep hidden… but it’s the truth. Flash forward several years and I get it. Lord above, do I GET IT!
My youngest is in Kindergarten and my eldest in Second grade, making this the first year that I have suffered and enjoyed similar school schedules for them both. While I didn’t think the changes would be jarring or rock my world too terribly much, considering my youngest had been enrolled in preschool 2-3 days a week since she was 3 years old… I was wrong. So very, very wrong.
While I hadn’t realized the ramifications of our schedule change previously, I realized just how much MY life had changed over the course of the last 2 weeks. With both of them home and with me ALL the time, I neglected the myriad of tasks and errands I had grown accustomed to performing. My blogs suffered from lack of attention, the cabinets grew sparse because I didn’t go grocery shopping (I could have taken both of them… but ugh.. no) and the noise level grew to decimals my fragile ears could barely handle!
And the fights. Goodness, the fights. Yesterday, I finally threw in the towel, telling them both to just “HANDLE IT!” I am not your referee, and I refuse to make a call when I didn’t see what happened to start with! (Yes… I turned into THAT mother… and I don’t regret it.)
Fun was still had
Oh, we still had plenty of fun over Winter Break, with holidays, family and park trips. They went sledding, we saw Disney on Ice, ventured to the local ice Skating Rink, caught a movie in the theater and even had some family dates. It was fun… and it was too long.
And now, on their first day back from Winter Break
I miss them. I am siting here, typing this with a heavy, yet relieved heart. The house is quiet, the washer is going and I may finally mop the floors…. later. Right now, I will miss them. I will also thank our lucky stars that we have dedicated teachers (we don’t pay them enough!) that will love them while they are away, and teach them the how’s and why’s along with the ABC’s.
I never wanted to be that mom, the one that complained when her kids were home too long or prayed for Summer to be over. But I am. Looking at myself, I can be honest. I AM that mom. Judge me if you must. I love my kids, I adore them, I cherish the time we have together. But we also need time away from each other. Having both kids in school has taught me this… or allowed me to get used to it, I don’t really know which.
I am THAT mom..
But it’s true. In order for them to grow more than I can teach them, they need to be away from me – and away from each other. This is true for us – it may not be true for you. Homeschooling families… you have my eternal respect and awe. You’re amazing. Truly. I love you. I want(ed) to be you. I don’t think I can be though. And I am going to be ok with that.