This is 4….
I am loud
I am stubborn
I am joy and innocence
I am magic wrapped in curiosity
I still need you, even when I don’t
I want you to watch me and to play with me always
I want to show you my tricks and the new things I have learned
I want you to go away and I need you to stay close, guiding and loving me
I am growing, I am learning… I am 4
The wonder and weirdness that is 4
My youngest is trapped in the wonderful thrall that is 4. This magical age is a soft balm after the tumultuous year of 3, yet it, too, comes with it’s own downfalls and traps. She is both stubborn and needy, loving and angry, generous yet selfish. It’s an age of joy and wonder, carrying the patterns of toddler-hood while hinting at the grown up kid she is too quickly becoming.
There is a quiet sadness in me as I watch her grow, tempered by that peaceful pride only a mother can know. She is learning so much and making astounding leaps in intellect and connections. She amazes me even as she pushes every button I have. Of both my children, it is this tiny bundle of determined humanity that challenges me the most. Maybe it’s her nature, maybe it’s mine – maybe it’s the fact that she is 4 and I am closer to 40… or maybe it’s simply that she is perfectly, wonderfully HER.
There are facets of her personality that make me pause, quirks that tickle and moments of awareness I wish I could freeze and somehow bottle, enjoying those seconds forever.
There is something special about 4. She is on the cusp of independence, yet I can still see the echo of my baby in her motions. Kindergarten is right around the corner, and with it, a world that will help shape her and impart lessons I can only temper, not fully mold. Preschool holds her for a little while, but those hours somehow don’t feel as ragged as primary school.
We are on the edge of the future, staring down the hallway to years and moments we can’t avoid. Yet for now, in this precious year, she is still mine.
And isn’t that a beautiful thing?